Then and Now

I suck at blogging. Straight out suck. I'm terrible at it because I'm never really sure what to say, I'm extremely bad at keeping up with the posts, and I'm not really interesting enough to garner an audience. Who actually read the things I post and actually give a damn about them? Pft, no one. Since the growing age of technology and computers, I've had many journal accounts and even real journals that never really went anywhere. Surprisingly enough, if the site itself didn't close down, my account would still be there, festering like mold on ages-old food left to sit in the sun because I was too lazy to close the account. Looking back at a few of them, I wonder why I even bothered and realized how much of a kid I was and how much of a kid I still am. Even if no one reads them, I guess they're there more for personal reflection than anything (although that could be my antisocial, hide-in-the-corner-of-your-dark-dark-room side talking). It's talking to yourself without the awkward action of really talking to yourself, especially if no one comments or responds. I'm sure many people have started these, but have never gone anywhere with them. Makes you wonder how many accounts have been made, closed, remade, and left to brew among all of those that have been remotely successful.

If it makes you happy and it harms no one, I guess it's fine to keep going with it even if no one else bothers but yourself.


Ticking Time Bomb

I wish we wouldn't change drastically as people when we age. I don't mean from experiences, but from physical and mental illnesses or limitations that affect the body. It really changes a person and who they are as well as eat at their morale. I don't mind getting older, but I'd like to stop at a point where my personality doesn't harass others and when I can't control myself or my thoughts. I think we are naive when we're younger, attain a certain credential of knowledge and experience, and then become ultimately vulnerable as we age in body, mind and spirit no matter how much we exercise ourselves to be otherwise. Drive and motivation can go two ways when you get to those years: they falter or become strong in the actions we take and in the dreams we want to achieve so late in life. For anyone to live so long, it could be a curse or a miracle depending on the individual.

I'm just glad I get the chance to see how far I can go with this thing called life.


A Rainy Tuesday

It was very interesting going to the Senior Friendship Center and bringing a project that we spent a considerable amount of time on with us. I was actually quite nervous since I haven't interacted with people who are older than seventy since high school (at least to my knowledge). As I waited for the inevitable, I decided to just buck it up and try to converse as much as possible. Well, one thing's for certain. I thought as young kids, we were going to be stubborn, but it turned out everyone around the table held a sense of stubbornness about them. They did, however, like our project, but I have a feeling they didn't quite understand the scrapbook idea and what our ideas meant. I felt that the seniors we were with felt incredibly uncomfortable and somewhat unwilling to converse with us at times even as we tried to engage conversation. Sometimes the conversation would just be between the students and I think at those time, the seniors would feel detached from the situation regardless of what physical limitations they had. In a way, it was a miscommunication between both generations. The more the younger people felt uncomfortable, the more we didn't want to talk and felt a loss at words. Our bodies even turn inward or away from the source of the discomfort. One of the older gentlemen had his arms crossed at all times, unwilling to open up to us much although reasons why may be understandable. The lady who was with us would peruse our projects over and over again, not quite communicating with the students. The other gentlemen was a bit more aware and conversed much more openly although he also had times where he tried to find something to say to us.

After the whole experience, I felt a tinge of bitterness that my efforts as well as my teammates fell on deaf ears and clamped lips. I've never had an experience quite like this, either, with my grandparents or those older than me. In a way, I wish I could've helped them be more comfortable around us and have them open up a little more despite the short time. Maybe we forced ourselves too much on them as well. The age gap was dangerously apparent and often times too much of a focus in everyone's minds.



Spring Break is Gone

Although I did do things, there wasn't anything exciting or profound that happened. If anything, I feel more terrible and miserable coming out of it. I'm pretty much the same as I am in class, aside from being more open with certain friends. I'm not very outgoing and tend to stay within myself when I don't have to interact socially. Being around others can make me uncomfortable. I treasure my alone time greatly even if people say it's unhealthy or dangerous. I do like seeing the dynamics of the relationship with my roommates, their relationship with each other, and the connections of friends we all have and how that changes when we're forced into a situation. We had a bonfire on Friday and also went out to the movies the weekend before. When certain people are present or not present, the difference when talking to others is tremendous and the tension or atmosphere is completely different. What's even more interesting is what happens when it's only all the roommates together. The topic of interests are diverse and of another variety altogether than conversations with other people. Even the jokes and what we show or tell each other is far from the same a majority of the time. Speaking to my closest friends online also brings about a different feeling and level of trust than when I'm speaking to friends I've known for a few years in person.


You, Yourself

Brown's lecture/talk at TED was quite inspiring and eye-opening to how we function. Everyone can attest to looking at their abilities and attributes while assessing themselves in a negative or positive light. I know that I am very pessimistic about my artwork and compare myself harshly to others. I'm not satisfied with my work, but I don't accept it for what it is either. Same could be said about our personality and appearance. The thought that you can't love or accept others until you love and accept yourself resonated with me and made sense. In her talk, being vulnerable seemed to mean being able able to accept your flaws and to let other people be aware of them. No one is the definition of perfection, but many strive to be under societal conformation. I think that if people were to adopt these ideas, many would feel happier and successful in their lives.


Nihon, Ganbatte!

It's really an awesome thing when people get together or give back when others are in need. I've been following some of the news and reading online articles about the disasters in Japan. It's great to see the relief organizations go straight to work and to see many celebrities, from Japan and from all over the world, lending their powers and ability to help those in need. Aside from donations, songs are created (Yoko Kanno), bracelets are made (Lady Gaga) and t-shirts are designed (Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park) all for the sake of those caught up in a terrible natural situation. Many celebrities, singers and actors alike, have pooled and donated their money to relief organizations. Concerts were also scheduled for the same reason. It'd be even greater if those who aren't celebrities could help out a little just for the sake of it. We should be there for each other. For all of those in turmoil because of these recent disasters, be strong! There are people here for you and everyone's hoping for your safety and rebuilt future. Fight-o!


Simple and Clean

I thought this time around, I'd just take a few moments to say a few things about two artists I've found that I adore.

Kunie Kanbara is a japanese artist that I found while looking for a japanese band that I like called The Indigo. She had designed a handful of their album covers (the image is one of the band's covers) and I found her style and simplicity really interesting. Her images are more graphic and very clean in terms of form. There's no rendering, only the use of bright, shape-oriented color to give life to her figures and beings. Despite what others might say, I think her work is great and very lively. They have sentiment in them.

The second artist I'd like to bring attention to is a korean illustrator named Kim Min Ji. I was looking at icons/avatars on a site and someone had made a few from images by this artist. It took me a long time to find the name of this person because there weren't any reliable credits to the icons/avatars. Luckily, I found their site through a lot of searching. They mostly do illustrations for children's books it seems. I really like their style and how they use the medium. I want to strive for a style similar to theirs.

Since both aren't very well known, it's hard finding images of their work aside from their site and what others have already blogged or posted. I hope to see more of their work in the future and that they are doing well.



Homesick Rambles

I know some people prefer the heated rays of the sun and the wet, silky cling of the humid air of Florida. It could be seen as a plus for attending a college down south. It's such wonderful weather. Well, I kind of despise it. I miss the seasons, especially autumn and winter. There's something about the dry crisp of cold air and the scent of dew and wood wafting with it that makes one feel refreshed. Nothing beats a cold downpour. Every time I go outside to attend classes or hang out with friends, I have the most fun and am the most energetic when it's cold. Seeing the same trees that rarely change shape or color and feeling the humidity cling to my skin makes me feel nauseous and bored. I end up getting more headaches and the heat becomes unbearable. It might sound wrong, but being able to view the death of plants and their eventual rebirth in the spring is wonderful. You end up anticipating the time when new buds blossom after they fall off during autumn, aging quite rapidly. The extremity of seasons gives me inspiration. I think I've lost some of that awe since coming down here, this place seeming really stagnant to me. There are things I like about Florida, but it won't take away the memories of being up north. Even when the snow is piled up to your head and it's dangerous to even step outside, I still love it. It feels like you're living at that moment when the wind rushes past you, stinging your ears. Ruby red noses, chapped lips, and blushing cheeks. The warmth beneath all the cold from scarves, boots, and heavy jackets lingering on your body. I love it when your breath puffs out into little bursts as you talk or breathe. I think I'd rather fall asleep from the sound and the feel of ice cold rain. Being sick during cold weather is more nostalgic for me. The reminder of summer saddens me for its weather rather than the events that happen during that time.

During late elementary and the rest of middle school, I'd walk to school alone from my house early in the mornings. My older sister used to walk with me to and from school until she graduated to high school. One morning was especially chilly with the sky overcast in muddled grays, the sun and shadows nowhere in sight. I remember looking up at a flagpole I saw that was in someone's yard, seeing it wave languidly. It made me smile for some reason despite the whole situation being rather sad and gloomy. There I was, alone, walking ridiculously early in the morning to school in such cold and dark weather. It was incredibly quiet as well, only the clink of the metal against metal of the flagpole making any nearby sounds with an occasional whoosh of the wind. I'm not sure of the reason, but I smiled regardless of how lonely I should have been feeling. Even when I reached school, no one was there yet. I really do miss episodes such as these, no matter how dull they are.




I actually had to think on this a bit before coming up with anything. It was hard trying to pick one thing or even something that really inspires me, something that never lets me down when I need or want it. A person doesn't quite fit that description, so I chose to talk about music. If there's something that's always attached to me, it's music. Music is also the real universal language and I think a lot of people are inspired by it. It speaks out to everyone in many different forms and you don't always have to analyze or get it to enjoy it. There are times where I prefer silence, but those times are usually after long, intensive periods of singing or listening to something. I love the diversity of it and the collaboration of sounds in order to create a cohesive whole. I know there are a lot of people out there who can't listen to sung languages that they don't understand, but that's the beauty of music. Sometimes you don't really need to understand it. You feel it instead by how the song is sung and by the emotion running in the dynamics and the voice. There are also many instances where words and voices are not needed. Classical and instrumental music lends itself to the ears without the accompaniment of words. Singing also makes me feel better when I'm down. I usually shut myself in my room to sing so no one else can hear me, but it's what I go to when I'm stressed, angered, or feeling depressed. It really does soothe my mind, even if I am annoying my roommates with a terrible singing voice. Another part of admiring music is admiring the artist, the musician and creator behind it all. Their craft is very similar and just as complex as any visual artist's work. To create sound to harmonize in many different and new ways is amazing.

Sorry, no visuals. Only sound.




First post just to welcome you (yes, you) to this blog. This is going to strictly be a blog for my Psychology of Social Interaction class that we have to keep until the end of the semester. Let's begin!